Jazz Apples on Pink

I spent all day yesterday obsessed with painting this and wiped it
off three times, then gave up for the day. I notice I'm in an irritable mood
when paintings don't work out. I get anxious watching my tube of
permanent Alizarin get smaller and on the verge of psychosis as more
cad red goes onto the palette just to get scraped and wiped off the panel.
But I couldn't give up altogether. Part of the challenge of these variegated
apples is trying to keep value and color straight. Started fresh this morning
and told myself to slow down, step back with each stroke and assess. Because
I tend toward swashbuckling strokes, I often obliterate good strokes/values/colors
and end up with muck. My other weakness is that I don't notice quickly what
I've done well for the painting and compulsively paint over it. I'm learning
that I can wield the brush in different ways and it doesn't have to be rapid
to be loose. And, I am actually capable of putting a stroke down and leaving
it alone.

Cherries

Cherries are challenging . . . there were only two that were actually red.
Trying to figure out what colors the others were was a matter of trial
and error and much scraping and wiping. They really challenge any
notion of what you think you know color-wise.

The Bartletts

My first post in a long time . . . after the last batch, I just didn't seem
able to paint a thing! I have been painting every day, working on a
larger format and experimenting with heads, none of which are post-able.
I learn a lot (I think) but for all the movement forward, there are lots of
steps backwards.

At the Beach

I needed to see how my foray into working larger translated back to
a 6 x 6-inch. I've learned a lot lately and it seems I've got multiple
personalities driving the paint but essentially, they are all me. I read
a quote on someone's blog attributed to Agnes Martin that she worked
toward seeing herself in her canvas. Maybe art is psychology . . . or
at least a mirror. I still can't judge whether the work is good or bad but
the great thing is that I'm excited every moment I'm in the studio. Right
now, I'm so grateful for that but know that soon, I'll have to tackle more
complex subjects and compositions . . . (deep breath)

Two Lemons

I'm actually thrilled with this little painting! I painted the lemons last,
mapped in their location hoping to keep my mind on making a painting
rather than on painting lemons. I thoroughly enjoyed making messy and
non-sensical strokes and blotches for everything non-lemon so when it
came time for the lemons, it felt easier to not over-think. I've been working
toward putting down marks, strokes, colors that would serve the picture
plane rather than the subject for quite awhile. It seems it's so much harder
to do when working figuratively. I've also been looking at "messy" painters
like Alex Kanevsky, Quang Ho, Robert Spooner, Kim English, Jordan
Wolfson, Thai Shan Schierenberg. This painting isn't much but it feels like
a milestone. It's another step . . . forward, I hope!

Lady Apples

Nice to take a break from cups . . .

Cup

Still trying to get over my tendency to describe and illustrate. The
quest continues . . .

Green-Rimmed Cup

I've been reading Ken Kewley on Color on Kehoe's Powers of
Observation site and he said one should begin with a color that
excites. I picked prussian blue which hadn't left the drawer in a
couple of years, and then tried to key the rest of the painting to
work with it. Also practiced mixing many colors of the same value
to get variety in the whites, variety in mid-tones and darks. I'm
trying to cure myself of abrupt value and rampant color changes
and learn to mix interesting grays so purer colors are more effective
interacting with them.

Espresso 7

A many-layered "thing." This was painted, degraded, sanded, built
up, scraped, some areas layered with transparent paint and Liquin,
and some with layers of thick paint. The intention was to use transparent
layers to achieve grays and contrast textural areas on the same surface,
finding and re-finding edges, hoping to be surprised by color and the
interaction of paint. There were some very happy passages now buried
in there somewhere . . .

Espresso 6

Exploring warm grays/attempting to get a handle on "light." Almost
had a nervous breakdown dealing with the red reflected light on
the shadow side . . .

Espresso 5

Still experimenting, trying to find different ways to handle paint . . .
I had read a long time ago that part of exploration was to find and
re-find the edges and then recently, on a college student's blog, read
her account of taking a workshop with Ovanes. He had stressed to
keep the painting a wash for as long as you can---so contrary to my
habit of laying down thick paint as soon as I can. So, I'm practicing
both by not sketching the boundaries of the object and laying in washes
of values in the general area of where an edge might be. It's helping to
not commit too soon, to not get attached to getting something right while
freeing up a part of my brain to assess whether I like what is developing
on the canvas.

Espresso 3

Another small step . . . which may be noticeable only to me. It may
get worse before it gets better. I had some nice effects about 30 minutes
before I called this finished but foolishly thought I could improve on it.
Among the repertoire of things to be conscious of, there's also
recognizing when something is fresh and know to leave it alone.
I feel so close to crawling my way towards a different way of working
but it still escapes me. The good thing is that I can't wait to try another!

Espresso 2

There are several others but this is the second I'm willing to post. There's
a lot to learn by focusing on one subject, one is that I've been too abrupt
in value jumps so am now mixing colors on my palette differently, each
value slightly overlapping the previous---it helps in not being tempted
to blend between values. Also trying to be conscious of varying the
thickness of the paint. I'm painting very slowly, pausing between strokes
and considering where I want to put my next one. Seeing this on the
screen, it's clear my color shifts are too abrupt as well. I still have a long
way to go but, with each panel, it's becoming more pleasurable to apply paint.

I heard on npr this afternoon that Jaspar Johns was awarded the medal
of freedom for his art. Johns was quoted as saying that he had to work as
he did, even if each piece was a failure, and accepted that he would likely
have a life of failure. That's a brave artist!

Determined Self-Portrait

I decided I needed to attempt a different subject if I was going to begin
to answer my own questions. There are many portraits underneath this
one . . . all disappointing. In a moment of frustration, I loaded up a brush
with a milky color, liquin and Gamsol and washed over areas and suddenly
started seeing what I wanted to see on the canvas! It was so freeing to
obliterate all the hard work and not mind all the time spent on previous
versions. It was a way to let go of control and add that element of
surprise that I valued so much in printmaking. This is just another step
but one that opens new ways of applying paint. It brings me back to the
"search" part of painting which had faded while I was so focused on
a "good" result. Claire Christinel wrote a very articulate "translation" of
"paint what you see" in the comments link on my previous post.

Terms of Endearment 2

Almost the same setup and same intention to layer. Here I wanted to
position all items in the center so there'd be more space around them,
so less attention would be paid to the objects and more to the painting
as a whole. As I painted, the objects grew larger and again became the
focal point! Aargh!!!

I've spent what time I could looking at and reading about artists online and
realized that I am committed to working representationally but I'm not sure
if I want to paint exactly what I see. I'm wondering if "paint what you see" is
some kind of code? In looking at Stuart Shils' work, there are photos of him
painting outdoors with his rural or urban landscape in front of him. What
could he possibly be seeing that would miraculously translate into his
beautiful paintings? Stanley Bielen, too, transforms what he sees.
Catherine Kehoe, in an interview, stresses painting what one sees, and says
it takes her a long time to assess what something really looks like. And then,
looking at her work (which is wonderful), I wondered if she has some powerful
psychedelics we should get our hands on? Obviously, these artists have some
inner vision, an aesthetic sensibility that informs and transforms what they see.
In spite of my questioning, they must have started in the same humble way---
with simple observation. Just keep working, right?

Thanks to Susan Nally for pointing me to Bielen and Kehoe. And many many
thanks to everybody who checks in with this blog and comments!

Terms of Endearment 1

First attempt after what feels like a long absence from the studio . . . 
My intention was to work differently so I thought I'd try working in 
thin washes and let them dry before adding new layers. My hope 
was to leave some initial wash areas visible but ended up pretty 
much covering the entire surface, anyway. Trying to do things 
differently will require more restraint.  

Liaison Sold

This little painting was scraped off four times, each time because it 
was getting too precious. The goal was to be conscious about 
"coloring outside of the lines." With each scraping, I felt the point 
was no longer to get a decent painting to post, but to just keep 
practicing. I stopped with this attempt because it seemed . . .
decent enough to post. :-)

Tangerine 2

I painted again at the crack of dawn. It took a lot of fortitude to 
neglect household stuff yet another day but I held my ground. My 
mother is horrified by all that I leave undone. I realized a couple of 
months ago that she loves folding laundry and that she's agitated 
when she has nothing to do. So now, when there isn't a new load, 
I unfold what she has so carefully folded and bring her the same 
clothes, sheets and towels and she's happy for awhile . . . long 
enough for me to be in the studio for a few hours. It's ironic, our 
personal relationships with time: some of us have too little and some, 
too much. 


I can see that I've used brush and paint differently again . . . the way I 
painted yesterday and today are not necessarily what I envisioned 
or aspired to, but they document where I was yesterday and today.

Pears (rear view)

I spent my painting time over the past 3 days trying to paint peaches 
and had a devil of a time! Jean Townsend mentioned the difficulty of 
including color and value changes in the same 2 inches in her current 
post . . . I also find it very difficult. Over the days of trying, however, 
I did notice a brain shift (caused by sheer frustration!) ---I stopped being 
conscious of the object and, instead, began to zero in on shapes of color 
and value and how they related to each other. I wasn't able to rescue 
the dang peaches, but then found it effortless to cram in color and value 
in these pears, but they don't have the extreme dimples and cleavage 
that peaches do. It's funny, but as I painted these pears, I thought I was 
seeing their backs as though they were in a "time-out." :-)

Run For It!

I painted this about a month ago and was fairly pleased with the cherries 
but unhappy with the way I painted the cups (except for the handle). I 
couldn't stand looking at the mud I'd created on the shadow sides one 
minute longer, so I repainted the darks and darkened the background 
while stalling on starting a new painting.